Something's happening to me recently...i can't quite put a finger on what it is exactly..but i'm feeling it..i don't even know if its a good thing..all i know is i'm utterly confused...I vaguely remember something similar very long time ago..When i was 5, i had a bolster as a gift from my aunt. It was a really pretty bolster, with blue and pink polka dots all over it. For the longest period, i would snuggle it to bed and it would fit into the nooks and crannies of my body perfectly..as if it were made just for me. I grew very attached to it, to the point that i would not sleep if it were separated from me. Years gone by and the bolster was still by my bed, albeit worn and leaking in some places. It also no longer fit the length of my body, as i had grown a lot in height. I would not discard it even though my mom bought me many other bolsters which were longer and prettier. Soon i developed some nasty nasal problems due to the worn filling leaking from the bolster, so it was forcefully removed from me one day. I was devastated, even though i knew i would have to trash it as it was hurting me badly. There were many sleepless nights that i long for my old bolster, but after awhile sleep came easier and i became healthier. Pretty soon, i could sleep just fine without the old bolster and found that other bolsters serve me well too. However, there came this feeling of reluctance to let the memory of that particular bolster pass..and i sometimes felt remorseful for having such great sleep with my new ones...
A love story...i'm a sucker for these crap...
Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived. Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others, including Love. One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help. Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere." Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." "I can't help you," Vanity said. "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat." Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now." Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, "Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him. Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder. Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?" Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."
It's Thanksgiving today!! The time when ppl give thanks for all their blessings and stuff their faces with turkey and cranberry sauce...a time of joy and leisure... with family and loved ones. I, however, am with my family away from my family - my beloved friends from ATU 7, peeing into Niagara Falls. Well, actually just one of us, and it's NOT ME! Ridhwan, Ridhwan..u keep surprising me. This is bliss...just chillin' like old times, satiated with teriyaki and sashimi...without a care in the world. Sigh...how i wished i did not have to go back to NU...at least for awhile..all this studying and working really bogs me down...Sometimes i really wonder what i would be doing now had i not made the choices i made before...like rejecting this scholarship..would i have continued studying back in m'sia or enrolled in acting school? Or even further before that when i was really impressionable..had i agreed to be recruited for that 'job'...how would life be as a 'double pro'..? Sometimes i'm ashamed to think that i would probably be more suited for that than what i'm doing now..but terrible pangs of defeat can really nestle some pretty wild notions..
Soon i'll be off to Niagara Falls, one of the seven wonders of the world. I guess i should be excited, i am more or less..but most of the time i just feel too drained to go anywhere else... I am decidedly happy to get to meet my good old buddies, but i am slightly reluctant too because this is the first time in a long while i face the crowd as a single individual..I am certain i can avoid the torrent of questions and criticism, i've long perfected my dodging maneuver, but i doubt that the trip will end without one mention of the 'crisis'..I suppose i'm probably being too uptight, isn't it essential to fill ur buddies in on the latest of ur life? If only it does not hurt...
Today has been a very boring day. I was in my room the whole day, doing nothing but my final project for cs 130, a pretty cool class actually. As far as my progress, i don't think im half bad at designing webpages and stuff. At least, i'm pretty satisfied with this background image which took me a pain-staking 3 hours or so. Adobe Photoshop is such a God-send. You can really do some nifty stuff with it. Makes me feel like such an artist.